The problems, division, and chaos that are unraveling throughout the world around us seems to be increasing without any signs of slowing down. The division in our countries seems to be escalating rapidly. It feels impossible to completely avoid or rid yourself of the reminders of the most recent catastrophic news, political debates, and societal issues. Our sights are full of what’s wrong. Our personal inventories are overflowing with conversational topics that consequentially are circulating around our dinner tables are heated debates and discussions of the actions of others, arguing over many things that are far out of our locus of control.
Contemplating these possibilities does nothing to help us lead better or live better. And sadly, it’s these thoughts and conversations that are taking up too much time and space in our minds and holding far too much weight in our day to day lives. And so, we need change. A breath of fresh air. A swivel into a new, more beneficial direction.
Before we can experience the change we consciously seek we need to make a transformational decision. One that will undoubtedly change the trajectory of your life.
Decide to focus on yourself.
The renowned psychologist, online educator, best-selling author and one of the most influential thinkers of our generation, Jordan Peterson says it in this way.
“Get your house in perfect order before you go out and criticize the world.”
In other words, make the decision that you’re going to use your most valuable asset (your attention), to worry about, fix, and focus on what you’re doing with your time to positively change your life and the lives of those around you. I’m well aware, however, that fully committing to this decision isn’t made easily. Mostly because of how much access you and I have to see what other people are doing via the internet and social channels. Many of the feelings you’re experiencing on a daily basis; ones of annoyance and irritation, are often fed because you’re scrolling mindlessly. When you’re bored and looking for distraction, escapes, or easy dopamine hits, your attention gets directed towards the wrong things.
Cameron Hanes, a bow-hunting athlete and probably the most dangerous elk-hunter in the world, who also happens to be a best-selling author and podcast host puts it this way, he says that life is never made unbearable by circumstances alone, but only from lack of meaning or purpose. We can use this concept to reflect back on ourselves. So it begs the question:
How are you using your time and what are you focusing on?
If your time isn’t being spent working on tasks you’re passionate about, or if you aren’t involved in quests that challenge you, or if you aren’t progressing towards some ideological good that enhances your meaning, that only means one thing…
Your most valuable asset (your time), is going to be spent (or wasted?) on other, less productive means of filling that time. If you aren’t doing anything intentionally that will directly and positively impact your life, or the lives of others, you’ll fill those same parcels of time with conversations about others, gossip, or obsessive worrying about things you can’t control.
Why do you do this? Ask yourself. How can you be an expert at finding problems with the world you’re living in, critiquing how other people are choosing to lead their lives, while ironically being unable to locate and fix your own shortcomings and inadequacies? And what’s even more pathetic is that most of those who critique aren’t doing anything about the problems they talk about, either. If those of you who engage with this sort of behavior are being honest, you just talk about these problems to eat away at the same block of time you aren’t using to chase down dreams of your own. It’s easier to complain about issues while, funny enough, doing nothing about them.
The challenge resides in choosing to take on the challenge itself. To make the choice to do what is difficult in the short-term for the sake of potential benefit in the long-term. That is your sacrifice.
Then, the next decision you need to make before you can move forward in your life is to decide that you’re going to direct your focus inward and use your precious time engaging with work that brings out the best in you. Hopefully crafting ideas that are unique to you, serving others through a specific niche.
This becomes manifest as a byproduct of working on yourself, constantly. Reconstructing your identity, forging your character, and persistently refining your processes so that you can have a heartening impact on those around you. But this is scary and difficult for many because it raises the possibility of critiscism. Throw your self-consciousness out the window, lose the pride, and work harder on yourself. As a result, you will become a blessing to yourself and to those around you.
As Cameron Hanes says, the mantra he lives by that I’ve begun to adopt into my own life. One that takes the spotlight away from the significance you think you bring to the table, to the showcasing of the work that matters…
“No one cares, work harder.”
If someone critiques you because you made a mistake that lost it for your team? No one cares, work harder. The teammate who started over you scored to win the game and now you probably won’t start the next game either? No one cares, work harder. Your coach didn’t give you a chance to play at all? No one cares, work harder. A celebrity got caught up doing what? No one cares, work harder. You’ve fallen victim to unfortunate circumstances and can’t see a way forward? No one cares, work harder.
I hope it’s obvious where I’m going with this…
Stop engaging with the false, irrelevant, useless narratives and start working harder on yourself. On your dreams. On your goals. On constructing a version of yourself that you deeply respect…
If you don’t, you’re falling short to the peril of the lethal distractions that crouch at your doorstep and tempt you to divert your focus. Stealing your productive energy and pulling you down the rabbit holes of averted attention towards the things that actually matter.
And let us not forget that none of us are perfect. The time spent examining decisions, judging the choices of others, and spending so much time wondering how others are the way they are can only be categorized as time treacherously wasted. We can look to John 8:1-11 for a powerful exhibition of this truth, regardless of your religious affiliation.
The Pharisees had brought a woman who was caught in the act of adultery to the Mount of Olives where Jesus was teaching at the time. The people claimed that due to the law of Moses, the woman should be stoned for her unacceptable actions. Likely what will be to your surprise, Jesus didn’t verbally disagree with the Pharisees. He waited patiently until he replied, “Alright, but let the one who has never sinned throw the first stone.” Silently, the crowd began to lower the rocks they held with violent motives. One by one, the accusers began to slip away until only Jesus was left in the middle of the crowd with the woman, where he reminded her to go away, and to sin no more.
You see, we seem to have speedy responses when it comes to judging and analyzing the lives of others, yet we often do this without taking the time to contemplate our own.
Are you one of these people? Do you tend to analyze and come to concrete beliefs that you know what might be best for someone else? Do you waste your energy thinking about what you might do in their situation, all while not knowing what you should be doing that’s fruitful in the life of your own?
Stop with this nonsense, please.
I can speak on this topic with heartfelt honesty because it was something I deeply struggled with for a few years in my career. After reports came out in Scotland that I was the highest earner on the team, the fans and people of Edinburgh were killing me on every social media platform when the club was in a difficult spot and the results weren’t going our way. So perhaps I was the scapegoat, the one they pushed all the blame upon because they expected the most output given the clubs input. However, I, firsthand, given the situation, saw how much hate goes around this cyberworld (which was far from beneficial for me) across social media. And still, I sat, and I wondered. I couldn’t fathom how anyone could actually take the time out of their days to sit around and criticize someone so ruthlessly. I certainly couldn’t ever find myself doing that. Maybe that’s because I knew what it was like to truly be in the arena? And I’d understood how you never know what someone might be going through in their personal lives… so why critique and judge from the outside?
Ultimately, in the end I knew this was just a waste of even my own time… Time that could be spent working productively towards revealing new and better versions of myself. But this was immensely difficult for me to overcome while I was in the midst of it. To be heavily critiqued and malevolently evaluated by people who knew nothing about me, who knew nothing about the waters I was navigating. It was incomprehensible. I couldn’t understand it. And it ate me up for some time. It hurt my confidence and made me feel terrible about myself. Nonetheless, I was reminded of Aristotle and his aphorism, when he said that in order to avoid criticism:
“Do nothing, say nothing, be nothing.”
So I vowed that no matter the scale of whom or what I was watching or seeing, I wouldn’t ever wallow in the critique of someone else’s decisions. Especially those who were in the spotlight, and to use the same terminology, in the arena. I brushed off the comments and continued to push forward in the ways I thought best and I knew I’d be okay if I shut out all that noise and decided to continue to focus on the only thing that was in my realm of control; which was myself.
Making the decision to focus on yourself increases your personal power as the attitudes you adopt, the actions you take, and the emotions you experience moving forward aren’t dependent on anything other than yourself.
So, what I’d recommend from my own experience would be to focus on:
- How you show up every day
- How you treat others
- The energy you put into your passions
- The way you spend your time
- The topics you choose to converse about
- The contributions you make to your family and friends
- The way you decide to see difficult circumstances
- The way you perceive challenges and adversity
- The way you respond to failure and tragedy
- The manner in which you lead your life and make an impact
Make these decisions before anything else. Before estimating, judging, or pinpointing the shortcomings of others, ask yourself what you’re going to do to help promote positive change, or what you’re going to do for yourself, instead.
Discover this delusion that lies in the disastrous mistake of misplacing your valuable attention and limited focus on the wrong things.
Be careful of letting your focus shift onto anyone or anything that is destructively draining your energy. Try not to give attention to anything that isn’t aiding your advancement, fueling your passionate inspiration, or supporting your epic growth.
Beware of this peril. Be careful of the time you might waste doing nothing that can be labeled as beneficial. Make the decision to focus on yourself. Because without doing so, discovering what’s holding you back, what you need to change, or how you can be better becomes near impossible. Elevating yourself and moving beyond the levels of success, joy, or fulfillment you currently find yourself embodying becomes more than difficult. And optimizing your life in every way, shape, and form shifts from a feasible desire into a helpless wish.
Beware of this lethal distraction.
Focus on yourself.
A great piece filled with excellent advice.
“No one cares. Work
harder.”
Thanks, Logan. It’s a motto I live by every day.